By now you'll see that we have covered pretty much all aspects of a passionless relationship and getting it back to burning brightly. We have looked at communication, we have looked at developing physical intimacy, all of which involve a one on one situation. Now let's examine some yearning passion into the bedroom by introducing a third party; sex toys.
Sex toys are a fantastic way to up the ante when developing physical intimacy and when you're first looking at rekindling the passion – then sex toys allow both partners to take some of the stress/anxiety and issues about sexual performance, or sexual intimacy off the both of you. It allows an intermediary of sorts through which you can channel passion, and inject it into your very being in a natural way. You're not forced and pressured into doing it, after all you're delivering pleasure through a sexual aide and you're just in control of it, or the passenger to it. We will explore ways which you can rekindle the passion through the use of sexual aides within your relationship. As mentioned in a previous article though, before engaging in a sexual band aid of sorts to fix a struggling relationship, sex is not the sole cure and you will need to have established a communicative relationship.
Massage(r)s And Scents:-
The sense of smell is very important to the senses. A good smell can completely change the atmosphere of a room and electrify it with love and passion. We all have our favored scents, ones that we love, ones that we loathe and ones that we are indifferent to. When selecting a massage oil it needs to be one that stimulates both partners’ senses. You'll get more out of it that way, because you'll both actively succumb to the scent. If massages aren't your thing then you can try pheromone infused mood mists, or burn off a mix of essential oils that help develop passion.
Pheromones are a natural chemical which work by changing the behavior of people by providing them with arousal. We've all been there where a particular scent will drive us crazy and we just want to jump the person who is emitting the scent. A lot of massage oils, mood sprays and candles are being infused with pheromones these days allowing for a perfect combination which will work wonders. Here are some scents that are recommended by an aroma-therapist that you can look out for which will help increase the level of passion in a room.
Cinnamon– A spicy and warming scent with a touch of sweetness to it. Cinnamon is known to activate the senses as well as alleviate any stress or anxieties. Studies have shown that cinnamon works exceptionally well for increasing blood flow and as such can be used as aromatherapy to aide with erectile dysfunction.
Ginger– A strong scent which is also warming and sweet. Useful for helping the heart and helping with blood circulation. Ginger is well known for its ability to fight the common cold, but few people know that it’s an excellent scent in helping fight off depression.
Jasmine– A euphoria inducing scent it's rich, and sensual. Jasmine relieves stress by calming the body and freeing it from anxiety. Jasmine is an exotic scent that is useful for just letting go.
Neroli- A sweet and citrus scent that comes from Orange Blossoms. An invigorating scent that is especially useful in curing first time jitters. Neroli also works in helping with menstrual tension and cramps.
Patchouli – This is the one that excites and stimulates, perfect for balancing libido levels it works by improving clarity through its sweet wood kind of scent. A regenerative scent it's known for mood lifting and quelling anxiety.
Since scents and massages are soft and sensual when pairing this with a sexual aide, you're going to be looking at a Body Massager. Body Massagers are distinguishable to their strong resemblance to a microphone, they will generally have a long handle, with a bulbous head. Massagers are perfect for relieving tension after a long day and attacking knots, aches and pains.
Purely for external stimulation body wands are about sensuality, relaxation and calm. Whilst they can be used to provide strong stimulation to the genital region, they don't necessarily have to be sexual in nature. Coming in a variety of shapes, sizes and colours and both in rechargeable and corded, a massager is perfect for taking the pressure off to perform, and just relax and enjoy the vibrations as it unwinds your tension. If the idea of a microphone looking massager seems a bit too much for you, then you could consider something like Lelo Lily 2, or the Ovo T1, T2, and S1, S2 -all of which are considered to be small palm sized massagers which are easily gripped and which you run up and down the skin for a soft and smoldering vibration. Combine it with some atmosphere enhancing scents and you're going to find yourself blissfully relaxed in no time.
I'll say straight up that this one is not excluded to women. There are numerous ranges out there for 'lingerie' for men and there's no reason why a man can't buy some sensual clothing for his partner. Lingerie is about invigorating the sense of sight and touch. A flirtatious dance in front of your partner, or simply strutting into their view when wearing something erotic can be useful in developing a sense of arousal. Wearing lingerie and erotic clothing doesn't necessarily mean that there will be sex involved, and sometimes the fun is in wearing it and driving your partner wild with desire.
If you're looking to kick it up a notch, pair up some lingerie or clothing with a sexual aide, then you might want to consider a vibrating panties set, or an insertable Remote control vibrator which can be worn underneath any kind of lingerie. Remote Control toys will have a remote, though some of the high end toys such as we-vibe, may also be controlled by apps on your phone. They're adventurous, cheeky and great for couples that have limited alone time at home.
Fantasies And Board Games:-
It has been discussed several times the benefits of communication, and some of those newly learned communication skills can be put to good use by exploring each other’s sexual fantasies. For those that are a little shy, there are also a bunch of couple’s board games out there such as Nooki, and Monogamy, which will do much of the conversing for you. Discussions/games like this are amazing bonding experiences as you let each other into your minds and learn and discover new things about each other. What some people fail to realize, is that over time our tastes and what we desire may potentially change. Sexual activity is an exploration, and often experiences will grow and transform into new, exciting and things we previously thought taboo.
By discovering new passions you can quite easily invigorate sexual activities into something that seems new and fresh once again. Just because you liked things a certain way last month, does not mean that you'll still feel the same way today. Especially when the taboo of talking about sex is slowly breaking down, you might find you or your partner inspired by something you've seen on TV, heard about in the workplace, or heard from friends over a couple of afternoon drinks. Adventures await!
I'll preface this paragraph by making the suggestion that many people feel BDSM and Bondage related activities involve pain, or whips or invariably something similar. Bondage can be anything that you make it, including something incredibly sensual. Restraining someone with silk ties on the bed and then teasing and tantalizing them with various aides, textures such as feather ticklers, and you could even give them a massage whilst they're restrained or perhaps introduce a penis plug.
Don't be fooled or intimidated by BDSM, it's an adventure that you can go at your own pace with, and stop at whatever path that you'd like to, and it doesn't have to involve sex at all, it can be sexual and it can be sensual, but if you're just starting to find your groove again with your partner you don't actually have to engage in any kind of sex. That's the beauty of bondage, its versatility and its application.
You'll notice that everything we have discussed so far has a primary factor of sensuality, and there is no focus, or necessity to engage in penetrative sexual activity, or indeed, any form of stimulation to the genitals. Consider the above activities and sexual aides to be a starting point if you're trying to develop trust and get back into the burning passion that you once had. By all means, any of the above activities can easily be kicked up a notch and end up in sexual activity of some form, but they're not exclusively for that. The sexual aides and techniques mentioned below will focus on stimulation of the genitals and sexual activity with a side element of sensuality and intimacy.