When you've been with someone for a lengthy amount of time, it's only natural that things change. Making love can often feel like a chore and if your intention is to keep the relationship alive, then you're going to need to consider how to bring the passion back into the bedroom. This article will provide a step by step guide in identifying the problem, solutions to the problem and then some fun and creative ideas into getting the passionate juices flowing again. As we've mentioned there's a huge different between love and passion and passion is the true happiness in a relationship that we want to try and fan back into a roaring heat.
One of the hardest things to do, which is not just because it's the first thing to do, is to understand and recognize that there is a problem in the passion department of your relationship. It's an inevitable decline, you may feel that you've explored your partner to the fullest and that there's nothing new on the table to offer you sexually. When we first start seeing someone we are consumed by the first love kind of feelings, an unnaturally strong attraction, where you simply just can't stop being together, touching each other, or being aroused every time that you see them. Fast forward to ten years later, you've seen your partner in all sorts of events and situations, and they may not be as perfect as you saw them in the beginning of the relationship when everything was new and fresh. That's not to say that you don't love your partner, that's not to say that you don't care about them, but at the end of the day it is very clear that something has changed.
If you can't remember the last time that you've had sex, then you might have a problem. Either the sex was that long ago that you can't remember it, or that it was so completely forgettable that you have forgotten about it. If either of these situations ring true, then you need to check the potential problem box.
Personal grooming is an important aspect of relationships and passion. For some people that is. For others, it’s an incredibly unnecessary declaration of love, and they express it in different ways. But, if you've stopped doing what you used to do in the beginning of the relationship then you may have a problem. For women, if you've suddenly stopped shaving your legs and you simply don't give a damn for weeks on end, then it's clear that you're not expecting anything anytime soon and that there is a problem in the sexual relationship. For men, a lack of personal grooming indicates a similar issue and it should be explored deeper.
Sex shouldn’t be routine, if you've penciled in sex for this Friday night then you're suffering from one of two situations. Firstly, you have kids and they're off to one of your parents houses and you're both eagerly awaiting some sexual release or secondly, your sex has become dull and routine. If your sex has become dull and routine and is simply another chore then this is a definite danger sign.
If you've ticked any of the above, then don't fret. The second thing that you need to consider is what kind of issue it is. Maybe the lack of passion in the bedroom speaks to a deeper issue and isn't necessarily a natural part of the relationship evolution. At this point before you jump into the spicing up of the relationship - you'll need to consider the validity of the relationship and whether it’s working.
For example, if you're feeling distant from each other than this is potentially a serious issue. Communication needs to be had at all times with your loved one, and if you've stopped sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with one another than this can speak volumes about the validity of your relationship. If you're sitting at home and you don't know what your partner has been up to all week - then you may be drifting apart and there's a bigger problem than just a lack of passion.
Another sign of trouble might be that you start fantasizing about other people and you've never done that before then that is also a potential problem especially if you're neglecting your significant other. There's a very distinct difference though between idle fantasy and a profound attraction towards others at the expense of your partner. The third and final sign of trouble is that if you're constantly fighting amongst each other and the good days are outweighing the bad days. All good relationships are not relationships that come easy and there are many trials that they endure in order to maintain their strength.
Now comes the part in dealing with the problem. This is where you will need to communicate your problems to your significant other - and it’s something that you're going to have to do in order to break the cycle and hopefully build your relationship into a fighting chance with a strong basis and platform. If your relationship is fairly healthy and strong - then you should have no problems in being able to bring it up and discuss it. Opening up to your partner about the problems you’re feeling regarding the lack of passion in the bedroom is what you'll need to do. It may be awkward, there's a lot of things out there that are - but it's about the improvement of your relationship and building that strength.
Don't start the conversation by saying that we need to talk. This is a fantastic way to up their anxiety and have them freak out. You need to approach the conversation with a casual, yet firm demeanor, you also need to be mindful of a time when there are no time constraints, there is no stress on either of you, and that you’re both free to discuss it. Sometimes there may not be a time which is appropriate, and what you'll need to do is find a time which is the most appropriate to discuss it. The fact that you're willing to talk about is indicative of the fact that you're still in love with your partner and it’s something that you want to work on, if you partner is to agree with you then that's an excellent step! From there you could discuss the reasons why it might be happening, are there difficulties in the relationship, are there stresses and pressures from life, and is sex not a priority at the moment and why isn't it? Discussing the problem and dealing with it together as a couple will be the first step in overcoming it.
If you're finding or feeling that your partner is too stressed for an amicable talk, or if you're a little concerned that the talk won't go that smoothly - then you could take a more independently proactive approach to the situation. This way can be difficult, and we still recommend the techniques listed above, but if your partner is depressed or suffering from mental health issues, or the problem is not so severe just yet - then you can try some of the below tips for some guidance, or at the very least for some fun ideas in going on the adventures.
We've mentioned before that you need to put effort into ones appearance, or demonstrate a willingness to care for one’s self. Look ready for romance at the very least. You'll be unable to retrieve passion back into a relationship that’s faltering if you're not dressed for the part. Ditch the sweat pants, try a new cologne, and jump into the shower with some sensual soaps and liquids and put on some sexy lingerie. Sure then can be pajama days, but pajama days should not be a routine thing and pride in one’s appearance can be an important thing. I understand that this can be difficult if you're a new parent, as kids can be abundantly messy.
Clothes are an important part of putting some effort in, so make sure that they're good fitting and clean clothes that suit you and your fashion sense. That's the thing, If you want to feel romance, then you'll need to work into putting some effort into it. From here you'll recognize that you're going to clean up nicely. Not only will you feel more confident in yourself, but I can guarantee that other people are going to notice that confidence and instantly you've kicked it up a notch. Brush your teeth, get your hair smelling great, and put on your favorite scent and get ready for some loving.
When you're feeling romantic, passion should follow with some natural actions filled with romance and passion. There could be dates, romantic things that you say to your loved one and this is all before heading to the bedroom. Remember the foreplay, remember the chase the hunt and the thrill of learning about them. Try and recreate that feeling. It's tough doing some of these things when you live together, so sometimes it’s about changing the atmosphere of the house.
If you live together, ensure that the apartment is clean and tidy and that there are clean sheets on the bed with just the right amount of lighting. If you don't live together, clean the apartment, light some candles and prepare yourself for a cute and delightful movie night so that both of your focus is on each other and not an untidy apartment/home. Start off with a date at home, a home cooked meal with a bottle of wine, or whatever it is that both of you enjoy. Or go for a walk at the local part in the afternoon, or the morning, or whenever you like. Hand in hand, arm in arm, sometimes not even talking, but just enjoying each other’s presence and company. It's about spending quality time together.
It is about the enjoyment of each other and not necessarily about what you do. If money is an issue for both of you, it doesn't have to be an extravagant process - just something that means something to both of you. Checking in with each other at least once a week on an exclusive date night can be key to getting back into a relationship with the max passion.
Now we've got the doing passionate things to create a spark - what about saying passionate things to flame the desire in each of you. A lot of people take each other for granted and your standard statements such as I love you, you look handsome today, become essentially meaningless when they're the only things resembling a compliment that you say. You can do cute little things like leave post it notes by the mirror, or the front door for when they leave for work, or add something saucy into their lunch. Maybe even send them an email whilst they're at work - it's the little things that count and bring smiles to people during the day.